Red Sea Moment

Here’s another look into Nick’s perspective and how he felt after learning his big dream of hiking the Pacific Crest Trail had come to its end.

-❤️M

Chapter Eight

Well, that's all folks!

Done! Over! Fold it up!

The Pacific Crest Trail Association (PCTA) has asked all hikers to get off the trail immediately.

This whole Corona Virus thing is blowing up big time. Worldwide, it would seem, and there are far more questions than answers for everyone right now.

The PCTA's stated concern was that hikers consisting of people from all over the world, who may or not be infected and contagious, all moving down trail into the small trail town communities just isn't exactly ideal considering their distance from any major medical facilities.

It makes sense, I guess, maybe?

I get we are dealing with unprecedented times, and no one really knows what to expect next, but, I mean, are we any safer anywhere else?

Maybe it’s safer out on the trail or in my families case, following along.

Maybe it isn’t.

I have no idea. I have no real answers, but I do know one thing.

I am crushed.

I had only just barely tasted this dream, and now this?

Really? This year?

Now, hold up. Small disclaimer here before I go any further. Covid is legit. At the time of writing this over six million people have died. A lot of those people were all alone and unable to be with their families at the end.

It makes my stuff seem pretty petty, selfish, and stupid in the whole grand scheme of things.

All my family has so far been safe and very mildly affected. We are blessed, grateful, and so very lucky for that.

I am well aware that as 2020's go, mine doesn't really even rank.

Okay, now, with that all out of the way, allow me a moment of self-centered me time.

WHAT THE HELL!!!

THIS YEAR!!!

OF ALL THE YEARS, THIS YEAR!!

I worked a retail job for seventeen years before we decided to fold it all in and really do this big crazy thing.

Couldn't any one of those seventeen years work for a deadly pandemic?

But my year? The year I actually get to live my dream?

Why, why, WHY?!

77 miles? That's it, huh? Just a tease?

Just enough to know it wasn't even close to enough. 

I can't begin to wrap my head around all this.

An adventure of so many emotions is what this whole thing has been, most of them expected but not this.

It all lined up so perfectly, the house sold, the cars sold, and all for good prices too.

We found the RV we wanted and a vehicle that could tow it.

This was something we had initially planned for a couple years down the road, and we had done it in just three months.

Boom, boom, boom, and we were on the road.

We fully believe God's hand had been at work in all of it. He wanted this for us; this was his plan just as much as it was ours. We were certain of that.

But now this?

Why? How did this factor in? He lead us all the way here just for this to happen?

That's not right!

That's not how this is "supposed" to go!

I'm hiking the PCT this year not fleeing from a worldwide pandemic.

Shelter in place? We sold our shelter!

Statewide lockdown? We don't even live in a state!

How can this all be happening?

We can't fold it all up; we did too much.

We asked too much of so many!

We changed everything for this!

Un-be-freaking-leavable!

My heart is broken.

I am lost, confused, and just so very sad.

As I try to deal with those feelings, I also have to focus on what we are going to do next. Help in the decision as my wife and I figure out what's next.

This chapter, hell, this book is being slammed shut, but it would seem the adventure of a world on fire rages on.

So much of what has happened could never have been predicted; it is all uncharted territory.

Where are the peaks of this thing, are we there yet? Is it going to get worse, much worse?

Who knows.

We are living out of a mobile supply vehicle, would anybody try to come for our stuff if they got desperate enough?

How about lockdowns? Would they close state lines? Marshall Law? WW3?

It all sounds crazy, like something out of a movie and all that, but damn. Everything that's been happening recently would have sounded crazy just a month before. 

This felt a little like God’s vessel to deliver plagues upon Egypt until Pharaoh would finally agree to free them.

That's a very unfair rough version, but there is enough there for my point.

So, the Israelites were enslaved for around 400 years. No hope in sight, whispers of a deliverer that had never come, most hope had been lost.

Then God chose this deliverer from one of their own, who became also one of Egypt’s own, there was a big river and a basket and yada yada yada.

Point being, a crazy unlikely and un-wanting hero of the story was the perfect one, in Gods eyes, for the job.

So that's number one. God picks a common person who would have otherwise been born into slavery and puts him through an insane life to forge him into the perfect person for the task.

Number two, God brings down ten plagues upon Egypt of all manner of crazy, from bloody rivers to raining frogs, some really crazy shit, all for the Israelites. And it works, freedom, the day generations believed would never come. A miracle that they had seen and lived through with their own eyes. Their God had done it all for them. They leave Egypt, but Pharaoh has a change of heart and sends his army to pursue, kill, and/or bring back the Israelites.

They are cornered by the great Egyptian army at the edge of the massive Red Sea. Then it happens.

No, not that. I know what you think comes next, the big moment. But to me, something even more amazing happens first.

These very same Israelites, who believe they are the chosen people of God, these Israelites who have seen miracles, some of the biggest, with their own eyes. I'm not taking read about it or a story passed down through the generations. They have seen proof, hard proof of both a God and his love for them, and what do they say?

Oh my God! Why have you forsaken us?

Let that sink in. Why have you forsaken us?

Wait, now what? Forsaken, you, when? Your ancestors, maybe.

But you? You are the ones, you are the graduating class, the ones who break the chains of bondage class of the 13th Century BC.

How do you make decisions like that, surrounded by an insane amount of what ifs?

We knew one thing though, family was in Oregon and Washington and no offense but we didn't want to get stuck in crazy Cali, where it currently seemed that things were changing as fast as new mandates could be put in place.

So we ran. Well, drove really.

Out of California and into Arizona, a run for the border quite literally. Leaving it all behind. Our grand adventure, our big plan, my dream, the Pacific Crest Trail, and all that we had done to get there, was just gone.

As quickly as it all came together, it fell apart even faster.

I was glad we had a plan, I was glad we were trying to bring a sense of certainty to this crazy time and more then ever and as always I was glad we were all together and safe, at least for now.

I had my beautiful family, my rock, as the emotions crashed like waves upon me.

My body was there, going through all the motions.

My heart was there with my little ones and my ever supportive wife, but almost daily as we traveled onward, my mind would steal my heart away.

It would remind me of the trail and the dream I had left behind. Was any of this worth it? Was it all for nothing? What now, what next, what a total waste.

My adventure of a lifetime was dead in less than a weak, my big achievement, what a joke.

I had failed and the why would always be there, but ultimately, the result was the same, nothing. I achieved nothing.

A trail that spent endless hours on my mind, bringing so much excitement and joy. Now, I couldn't even stand to think about it. It just hurt too bad, and I was just so confused.

Why had God led us so perfectly for this to happen? I've heard trying times like this be called a “Red Sea moment”.

A moment like from the story of Moses, which has always been one of my favorites. I've had countless life lessons from this story that have altered the way I think about life.

Anyway, Red Sea moment. So I'm going to assume you know of Moses and how he freed the Israelite slaves from Egypt. 

But there it is. Forsaken us? Forsaken me?

It's the very nature of our species to doubt. The blessings of the past are forgotten in the fears of the future.

Now, here I was, seeing God work miracles to get everything to lead us out on this Grand Adventure. He had been faithful and true, and everything fell right into place, and now this.

I stand at the edge of the Red Sea feeling so lost, my pea size brain can not comprehend the reasons, the plan, the way forward and I then ask, God why have you forsaken me?

The very thoughts of those Israelites, whose lack of faith always bewildered me. I'm no better; my fear and lack of faith leads me exactly here, to my Red Sea moment, and my doubt is the same.

It comes right out of my mouth, bounces around in my thoughts, and can't be shaken from my brain.

When faced with certain realities, we are all human; we are all flawed, and we all fall short. I must have faith in the same hand that brought us here, but when you can't see it, this better plan, this unknown purpose, it's so very hard.

Now, I knew there was a purpose and at some point I may even understand, but for now there was only the long road ahead and the pain of driving away from it all with my little family and our little Geo Pro in tow.

We were embracing the chaos as it swirled once more and learning to embrace all of the uncertainty and heartache that came with it.

We must all learn to stand at the very edge of the Red Sea, watch as Pharaoh's army closes in, with no escape or plan, lost, frightened, and confused.

Look way out into that deep blue and wait, knowing without a doubt that those waters will part.